Tag Archives: mental illness

Fighting Fascism: Biden’s Achievements Against Trump’s Deception

I watched, of course. I watched the debate with my friend Marie, who is not as annoying as I am about politics, but is very intelligent and informed, and what we came away with was that yes, Biden did not do well. Like all good Democrats, our hands settled into the appropriate wringing position that so accompanies our ever-present anxiety, our optimism stunted once again by the overblown bluster that diminished President Biden that night and reintroduced the familiar dark cloud that finds us so easily in uneasy times.

But today, after a fitful sleep and several days of televised, electronic, and newspaper “autopsies” of the event, I got up, shook off the cloud, and got angry. Because what I realize, and what I want the anti-fascists everywhere to understand is that there was NEVER a chance that Joe Biden could have won that debate. How could ANYONE who is intelligent, accomplished, and honest even begin to debate such a creton like Trump? When we were watching the show, my friend & I were so dumbfounded about the size and speed and frequency of Trump’s lies that we were tripping over each other trying to refute the disgusting things Trump was saying, one after the other and other and other- we were getting dizzy just trying to keep up! And our conversations were full of mouth-hanging-open-Incredulity, barely able to make full sentences.

So, yeah, I’m not the President, who obviously does know the truth to all of Trump’s lies. What he didn’t have was time; to have to respond immediately to the filth being spat by Donald Trump was impossible. But that doesn’t mean that he has gone soft in the head, or that he is some sort of doddering, foolish old man. If two politically active, reasonably intelligent women who are a couple of decades younger than either candidate couldn’t squeeze out a few rejoinders to the mud Trump was wallowing in, tossing out the Prez because of some perceived “frailty” is just stupid.

It’s stupid because, despite the absence of media coverage, Joe Biden has accomplished more in 3 1/2 years than any President since FDR. He has a list of accomplishments that are jaw-dropping in themselves. He has done more for the American people than most people can even imagine. He doesn’t pretend to be Presidential, he IS Presidential. He doesn’t pander for votes, he EARNS them by listening to what the citizens say, thinks about them, and finds ways to help or fix the greatest number of problems in the most coherent and concrete way possible. His efforts to reduce and eventually eliminate child poverty; absolving students with stifling college debt; creating grants to help first time home buyers; funding for historic colleges, lowering prescription drug costs; fully funding the Veterans Administration and studies to help determine cures for the damages of war, and providing Child Tax Credits for young parents have created what should be a great “safety net” for our Democracy for millions and for years to come. And he did it at the same time he REDUCED THE NATIONAL DEBT! But those are not the things that we hear about. Donald Trump is today’s political version of P.T. Barnum, and the civilian audiences turn to see whenever he points to another ring in the circus.

His sleight of hand is successful, too, because he knows that our weakness, as citizens, is that we aren’t really paying attention to what is REALLY happening, so his forked tongue picks up our ignorance and turns it onto us. He listens (or rather, his dangerous and greedy minions listen) to what good things we hear about when we are driving or between dinner and Netflix and bedtime, and he flips the story. For all of the things that Joe Biden has accomplished, Donald Trump claims them as HIS. He lies, boldly, loudly, and without embarrassment, that it is HE who has “done more for our Veterans than any President ever….” after denying his calling the fallen and wounded or captured soldiers “suckers and losers” in lieu of attending ceremonies to celebrate our heroes. He claims that “EVERYONE” wanted to reverse the Roe v. Wade decision and send it “back to the states” where “it belongs”, and even though most states have voted exactly OPPOSITE that position, he has said he will sign a federal ban once elected.

But those are not the things being written, spoken, debated about after last week’s debacle. And neither are we hearing about his indictments for 34 FEDERAL CRIMES, his CONVICTIONS for fraud and RAPE, the more than 35,000 PROVEN lies-that’s right, THIRTY FIVE THOUSAND lies he told during the 4 years he lived in the White House ; an average of 21 lies PER DAY! (How hard to you have to work to reach that level of deception?!). Just to be clear- he hasn’t stopped that behavior-he still lies as easily as he breathes, accusing the “radical left” of every single thing he and his thugs have done AND CONTINUES TO DO.

It is nearly impossible to imagine any person of honor and integrity like Joe Biden, who has served his constituents and our country for decades, being able to counter the diatribe of lies and libelous accusations that were blown at the President Thursday night. But that was the point, right? Because Donald Trump, as far as we know, has claimed to read only two books in his lifetime. He claims (not convincingly) that he has read the Bible and that Adolf Hitler had some good ideas in Mein Kampf. Whether we believe he actually read either of those books, one thing is clear- someone around him obviously did. (My money is on Steve Bannon and Steven Miller). Because he is the perfectly diabolical example of the Nazi propagandist Joseph Goebbels’ appalling assertion that “if you tell a lie often enough and loud enough, soon, it becomes the truth”. It would appear that it was true of the German reich’s propaganda, and has had the same effect here in the US in 2024.

So, all the anxiety we are feeling and the hand wringing we are doing is JUST EXACTLY WHAT TRUMP WANTS. In that way that a snake weaves his way through grass, Trump (and his minions on the SCOTUS) the White Christian Nationalists, and the rabid MAGA acolytes that he has managed to convince of his divinity, Trump has learned the “survival skills” one must have in order to slither into the White House. All he has to do is amplify Goebbels’ contention and do it on tv or in his tent-revival rallies, and that’s what many millions of people believe. Even more frightening is that Trump has added the despicable practices of name-calling and calling on his rabid followers to destroy any one and everything that he believes is “out to get him”, and he can sit back and watch as his bile drips and slimes over our nation’s “light on the hill”.

This process works, he knows, and people begin to fear speaking out against the horror they see and feel brewing just beneath the surface.

I make campaign buttons for various Democratic campaigns. Mostly they are very positive, specific to supporting a particular candidate or issue. But I admit, I do enjoy coming up with some humorous ones that are not necessarily endorsed by “official” communications offices, and I’ll take advantage of my ability to create them myself to take a “dig” at the opposing candidate. Some of the favorites this year are the ones that are defiantly anti-Trump. I take the buttons to various campaign events, send them out to different supporters, and pass them out when people ask me about them.

The buttons I make are free, with no restrictions for how many they can take, and are not copywritten, available for anyone to make copies for themselves. I’ve done this for several years now, and for quite a few campaigns, and they are always a hit. For the last few years, however, since Trump was elected the first time, when I share the buttons with the crowds, the absolute favorites are those that say “Make Trump Lose Again” or “NO MAGA”, and others similar, with amusing images and so forth. And EVERY TIME, at every event, people pick up the anti-Trump buttons, laugh, tell me they LOVE them, but put them back into the box and say, “I’d be terrified to wear that one” or “I don’t want to get shot”. Yeah. And they aren’t laughing when they say it. TRUMP IS WINNING, folks.

But after I did my day of Democratic hand-ringing, I realized that I did not want to live like that! I refuse to live the last years of my life under some nasty, ignorant fascist Russian/Heritage Foundation puppet. I will FIGHT for my grandchildren to keep that element from gaining power over them.

But of course, a couple of campaign buttons and an anti-fascist editorial now and then will make no difference if the progressive, liberal, democratic, flower-child, and “outsider” communities give up. We CANNOT allow these people to take the reins of our Democratic Republic and shred them in order to squeeze out every penny, every bit of hope from those of us who know what they are doing. So I’m begging all of you, my timid, loving, generous friends, even if, like me, you don’t have a lot of money to spare or if you don’t think you have anything to offer, PLEASE, PLEASE, find the Democratic headquarters in your city and volunteer. Do it for a weekend, join the phone banks or text messaging teams- for the Democratic candidates in your communities and up the ticket to the Senate (Sherrod Brown, Ohio!) and for the President, Joe Biden.

It might seem like everyone everywhere is overreacting to this contest, claiming this “the most important election of our lifetimes”. Of course, they have said that for every one of the past 25 years or so, and maybe before that, too! I kind of thought that way, too, until I read the 900 pages of the Project 2025 Heritage Foundation manifesto that the Republican Party has adopted essentially word for word as their party platform. Honestly, I’m not sure I’ve slept soundly since I read it. This election quite literally will mean the difference between democracy and the destruction of everything we love about being Americans. It is THAT important:

They will do away with nearly 2000 government agencies (they have already done a couple hundred!) that are populated with governmental employees with expertise in their professions. They will have turned those positions into “appointed” positions that will be distributed to those people the President feels will be loyal to him, whether they have any expertise-or even any KNOWLEDGE in the job they are given.

They plan to eliminate the Department of Education, with the curricula designed not by teachers or educators of any stripe, but by the President! There will be no unions, especially the teacher’s unions, so that teachers that go “rogue” and teach students REAL history, REAL social studies, REAL language arts, etc. or who don’t follow the radical “white christian national” program sent from the President can be fired without warning or recourse, or even arrested!

If those brave teachers are arrested, then, their luck has just about run out, because the Justice Department will no longer be a separate Department, away from political influence. The Justice Department will also be filled with appointments by the President, and will be able to be fired without warning or recourse should they stray from the President’s official demands for his notion of “justice’.

And of course, your communications will be compromised. Privacy on line, on your phone, or in your doctors’s offices? Don’t count on it. They are potentially up for “inspection”, because even if they don’t dismantle the Department of Homeland Security altogether, they have promised that the “security” they are looking for is investigating anyone and everyone they suspect of not conforming to what the Office of the President feels is enough. So, that would also mean that I could be arrested for writing this post; you could be under suspicion for clicking on it, doubly if you actually read it, and “watched” for what kind of response you have to it.

And god help you if you are black or brown skinned, LGBTQ+, disabled, Muslim, Jew, or any other religion they do not approve of. Do not protest having to walk past statues celebrating Confederate Generals or “Christian” heroes or imagery when walking into the DMV. Civil Rights? Look at what the Trump-enabled SCOTUS did today. As long as he is sitting in that White House, he can do nearly anything as part of his “official duties as President of the US”.

It really does sound a lot like what George Orwell imagined so many years ago when he wrote “1984”, doesn’t it? We’ve had a few years now where every now and then that phrase comes up in conversation when we talk about the worst possible thing that could happen to our country or our world. Because that is what it would be-the worst possible thing that could happen to our society. And that is exactly what they are proposing in the Project 2025 manifesto, plus much, much worse. They have the foundational structure already in place. How many times have you seen politicians saying things like, “Trump is a lunatic, I would never support him”, only to have them turn around a few days later and start talking about how much they LOVE him and want to kiss his ass? And pretend that they never said the things that we SAW AND HEARD THEM SAY? Forget 1984…this is more like “Invasion of the Body Snatchers”! Only, this is not fiction, this is real.

We cannot let them win. You don’t like Joe Biden? Fair enough, you don’t have to like him. You don’t have to want to go hang out in a bar with him and have a beer. You might think he looks old and feeble and doubt his ability to be energetic on the job. I get it, it would be nice to have a younger, funnier, more vigorous leader, one that looks good performing on television or in front of a big wound-up crowd of supporters who travel with him all over the US. Even one like Trump that will tell you that he is “sent by God” to be your “savior”, that he is “the only one who can save this country” (all words uttered, by the way, by the aforementioned leader of 1940’s Germany) or that he will provide “your retribution” for whatever issue you have in your own life.

But he is NOT sent by God, nor is he your savior, or the only one who can save the country. He may provide “retribution”, but it won’t be for you, it will be solely for his own grievances. He doesn’t care about you. At all. Except when he needs your vote. But once you vote him into office, he won’t even need you for that. He will name himself or one of his rich money lenders as “President for Life” or declare that it is his family that will take over for him in case he isn’t immortal as well. Just think….you could have Don Junior or Eric or his favorite, Ivanka, as your next President! Personally, I think maybe the highly educated, civil servant and Vice President of the US would make a better choice.

So wash your hands, splash a little water on your face, take a breath, pull up your britches and do what you need to do. Don’t do it by yourself, bring along some friends. Get in touch with your local Democratic Party, or the League of Women’s Voters, or the campaign headquarters of a candidate running locally and volunteer. Or apply for a job. They actually have a lot more jobs for people to work with campaigns now, since Trump and his MAGA goons have scared off many of the older and experienced election workers. But you have to muster your courage and not let them win before the campaign even gets going. But it’s got to be done, and it’s got to be done NOW! There are only a few months before the election- and we don’t have much time.
(And just so you know, for those of you who fear Trump’s effect on our society and are thinking that you might have to “move”….. Canada, Australia, and most countries in Europe do not want us! (My daughter Cassady worked for two immigration law firms in the past 12 years, and shared some of that knowledge, but not enough for me to quote it to you, sorry!) As far as I can tell, the only options of countries with a “western” culture open to U.S. citizens (and I am in no way professing to know for sure) are New Zealand, maybe Mexico, and maybe South Africa. )

WE CANNOT ALLOW THEM TO WIN!

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July 1, 2024 · 10:49 pm

A LITTLE MORE CONVERSATION – OR DEBATE

FROM A REDDIT READER:

I understand Trump lied every time he got spoke, but that doesn’t explain Biden’s poor performance. Biden looked weak from the first sentence he spoke before Trump even had a chance to speak. How are Trump’s lies preemptively causing Biden to mumble? Plenty of people could do the job and speak in full sentences. Obama definitely wouldn’t have crumbled. Newsome or Whitmer could definitely stand up to Trump.

Biden was already struggling in the polls before the election. I believe we are likely to lose the election because of Dem’s blind loyality to Biden and their inability to see reality.

*******************************************************************************************

MY RESPONSE:

You can’t buy into the notion that Joe Biden is not able to lead. As explained above, the “technique” that Trump used to ruffle Biden, the Gish gallup, (with Trump is less about “technique” than it is about bad manners) successfully worked on Biden, which is much easier to do when the “victim” is a stutterer, as President Biden is. When you watched the debate, were you as taken aback as I was in trying to just yell at the tv “that’s a lie!” or “that’s not true, never happened, that’s what Trump did, not Biden….” ?  The lies were coming in so fast and furious with no fact checking…well, I guess there was fact checking, but the NPR fact checker  couldn’t keep up and couldn’t release his data until well after the debate was over. 

So, yeah, the debate was a debacle. But changing lanes at this point would be a complete disaster. The problem has been, for me, that everyone is so concerned about Biden’s age-a concept that the Trump camp has been rolling out for months now, even though the difference in age is negligible. The real difference, which is what Trump wants people to forget, is that he is a lying, conning, raping danger to American society who is a narcissistic sociopath who can’t put a cogent thought together even though the rot he spews is loud and full of false bravado. THOSE are the things that should be talked about! 

The other issue is who will leave office with the condition of the country in better condition? The plans that the Biden Administration have long-lasting value for US citizens; the condition Trump left the country in when he finally decided he couldn’t take his ball and go home was in disastrous circumstances. He continues to disparage our country, the one he wants to lead, the one that MOST Presidents (the reasonably sane ones, anyway) love and want to maintain as a “shining light on the hill” as a “dump” , a “disaster”, with murderers, rapists, and murderers around every corner. My feeling is that his paranoia is a far more dangerous point of view than Biden’s astonishment over the filth that Trump was throwing at him. Trump’s vision is always one that he ends up creating…and he does nothing to stop it, he just makes people fear and hate more than ever. 

Then, of course, there is the fact that we don’t even know who Trump will call to be his VP. After the way Trump shit on Mike Pense every chance he got while they were in the WH, and he did NOTHING while the mob at the Capitol chanted and built a gallows in order to HANG him, the only people who would want to walk into that situation are those whose craven ambition for power is equal or greater than that of Trump’s!  I’d lay my bet on the intellectually superior, “seasoned” politically astute Kamala Harris over any slime bucket Trump would tap to be part of his Administration. and I’d bet on Biden 100% over Trump as someone who could finish a four year term with usable brain matter in his head, since Trump is so obviously lacking in that already. And if Trump’s brain continues to deteriorate at the rate it’s going, he’s likely to slip further into the even more “primitve” parts of his brain, which means even more hate, ugliness, and violent rhetoric. That has to NOT be allowed to happen!  

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July 1, 2024 · 10:42 pm

Well, of course he’s narcissistic! (Trump psychology, part 2)

This is starting to get ugly…and we are only on the second issue! Yikes! It’s not unusual for a politician to be fairly narcissistic…they are, after all, putting themselves up as someone who knows better than we do what is best for us.  And they  have to sell that to us. What does it mean, though, when the Politician-in-Chief, who is NOT a career politician but an inheritance millionaire is so much worse than the worst politician you’ve ever seen? 

 

9 Things A Narcissist Will Never Do

Looking back, it’s my hopefulness that irritates me most. I kept thinking that he’d see the light, get what was wrecking our relationship, understand that I couldn’t live with his constant manipulation. He’d placate me with promises but I don’t believe he ever intended to behave any differently. Actually, I think he liked jerking me around.

As I can personally attest, it’s not always easy to recognize that the person you’re with is high in narcissistic traits. (I’m using the masculine nouns and pronouns because there are more men at the end of the spectrum but feel free to switch up the gender.) Not everyone is the “Look at Me!” type, full of grandiosity, constantly needing to be the center of attention, and wholly self-referential. The narcissist in your life may be soft-spoken, even a bit shy, but the tip-off to who he really is isn’t so much as what he does but what he doesn’t do.

I didn’t realize it while I was in it but he manipulated me in every discussion I tried to have about the problems in our relationship. He’d either refuse to talk about it outright—by stonewalling or saying something like ‘Not that again. Do we have to cover the same ground over and over? It’s always the same tattoo”—or he’d turn the tables on me, saying I was unhappy because I made myself unhappy. Or he’d deny there was a problem at all. It took me a while to realize that he never took responsibility for anything.  He blamed other people for doing things to him, including me. It was mind-bending.

What the person high in narcissistic traits doesn’t do constitutes a pattern of its own and, in many ways, makes him easier to identify. Once you’ve focused on what he isn’t doing, you can see that what motivates him isn’t the need to connect to you in any meaningful way—which is, of course, what you’ve been hoping for all along—but a very private and specific agenda which is making sure that his vision of himself stays protected and invulnerable.

So, if he’s not doing any of the following nine things—which people who actually want real connections do all the time—you need to wise up pronto.

      1.Own his feelings

Dr. Craig Malkin calls this playing “emotional hot potato” because it’s a common pattern –ascribing whatever he’s feeling in the moment to you which is a form of projection. This becomes a manipulative tactic as well, especially if the narcissist in your life also uses stonewalling and can be emotionally very confusing. (I am speaking from experience here.) Let’s say that you want to talk through a problem and you begin calmly, stating what the problem is. He reacts defensively and he’s clearly getting angry—you can tell by the way he’s folding his arms over his chest, how his jaw muscles are working, and how the furrow between his eyes deepens—and says he doesn’t want to talk about the issue. You start to feel angry and frustrated but you try again and he cuts you off. You ask him why he’s getting so angry and he responds by saying he’s not angry but you are. Yes, that’s the hot potato moment but the fact is that you are angry and getting angrier by the minute. Escalation is built into this and now you’re screaming at him and he looks at you and says, “I’m tired of your anger” and leaves the room.

The truth is that you’ve been played but the likelihood is that you don’t know it. The narcissist is expert at making you feel unsure.

      2. Stop playing games

And it’s not just about emotional hot potato either. People high in narcissistic traits want to be in relationships but only on their terms and they thrive on feeling that they have power and control over their partners, as studies show, and feel autonomous.

So, no, playing games isn’t coming off the menu any time soon.

      3. Care about emotional consequences

It’s widely known that people high in narcissistic traits have impaired empathy but the better way of thinking about it is that they—unlike most people—don’t care about the emotional fallout from their behaviors. Most of us care about being well-thought of and we also like thinking of ourselves as people who don’t hurt others deliberately; we’re more likely to fall into the trap of becoming inveterate pleasers to avoid upsetting others than we are to engage outright war. None of that is true of the narcissist.

If he has to burn every bridge to win and feel good about himself, he’ll grab the kerosene. This is especially important to remember if you are divorcing a narcissist.

      4. Stop one-upmanship

This is closely allied to #2 and #3 but being indefatigable is also a hallmark of the narcissist. As Dr. Joseph Burgo notes in his book The Narcissist You Know, the narcissist is highly vindictive. Burgo believes that what motivates the narcissist is his need to cover unconscious shame and whenever that shame starts rising into awareness, he feels under siege and reacts to deflect the feeling and to wreak revenge.

There is no “off” button as those who’ve been unlucky enough to be the target of the gossip and slurs a narcissist will avail himself of.

      5. Tell the truth

The irony is that the narcissist only recognizes one brand of truth (his own) and it doesn’t really matter whether his version of events is utterly contradicted by facts or even a paper trail. He’s sticking to his guns because you are the liar.

       6. Apologize

Since the narcissist never takes responsibility for his acts, words, or feelings, what’s there to apologize for? He only did what he had to do in response to other people’s actions, after all.

       7. Make peace

Not happening for a number of reasons.

First and foremost is his need to feel superior to others and to be in control; he likes the rough-and-tumble of conflict and discord because it makes him feel powerful.

Second, because he sees himself as merely reactive to slights and provocations by others, he’s not going to yield and look like a weakling.

Third, he’s happy with scorched earth if that’s what’s needed to feel like a winner. This is why divorcing a narcissist is an utter nightmare—don’t count on him to negotiate or meet you in middle—and why co-parenting is an extended one.

       8. Let you go

Not until you’re replaced. The narcissist needs you as a planet circling his sun to feel good about himself so he’s not going to go no contact until he’s geared up and found someone new. He’ll keep on engaging—sending you texts, writing you emails, leaving you voice mail—just to try to keep you in his orbit so he can feel good about himself and winning.

       9. Change

Barring an out-of-body experience or major epiphany of near Biblical proportions, not likely.

 

 

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Is Trump Pathological?

Hello my friends….this is an article I found that reassures me that “it ain’t me” that is losing the marbles…. cannot say the same for the current White House resident. This is the first in a series of examinations of the President and why he acts the way he does.  This could describe any number of people in DC, but is particularly frightening how many of the characteristics fit Mr. Trump….

6 Subtle Characteristics of The Pathological Liar

Pathological lying (PL) has been defined by the Psychiatric Times as a “long history (maybe lifelong history) of frequent and repeated lying for which no apparent psychological motive or external benefit can be discerned.” There is no real consensus on what pathological lying is and many people have developed their own definition. Pathological lying is something that has negatively affected many people, even professionals, who are often unaware of the psychiatric instability or personality disorder of the liar.  For example, in one of my previous articles I focused on Judge Patrick Couwenberg, a Superior Court Judge of California, who lied repeatedly while serving the public. The former Judge maintained the lie that he was a Caltech graduate, a wounded war veteran, and a CIA operative in the 1960s. All of these statements were easily identified by his peers as unreliable and inconsistent, but Couwenberg continued to attempt to evade others. He was later removed for “willful and prejudicial misconduct” for lying about attending Caltech. This education was critical to his Judicial position.

 The sad part about this story is not so much that the former Judge lost his job in the end, but that he lacked insight into the fact that his steps could be traced and that many people would ultimately find him out. An appropriate level of consciousness was missing from Couwenberg and is missing in so many other people who are compulsive liars. The very fact that a lie could be found out does not affect the pathological liar. They have an inability to consider the consequences or even fear being found out. It’s as if the pathological liar believes they are smarter than everyone and will never be found out. The very fact that the pathological liars’ work-life, home-life, or reputation could be in jeopardy as a result of the lies, does not phase the liar. Guilt, shame, or regret does not affect the liar. Consequences also do not seem to affect the liar. So then why does the liar engage in such behaviors? 

Multiple research studies have attempted to find an answer to this question to no avail. Trying to understand the mind, behaviors, and intention of the pathological liar is not an exact science. It is very much an inexact science and entails years of study. Humans are complex and trying to understand the reasons for why they do all the things they do takes more than a graduate school degree in psychology and years of work experience. For many mental health professionals and psychiatrists, trying to understand the pathological liar (or sociopath and narcissist who engages in this behavior) will entail a combination of intuition and science. Science alone cannot answer the many questions we have about pathological liars, but experience can offer some clues. We now know that pathological lying is spontaneous and unplanned. Impulsivity is often the culprit. We also know that pathological lying is more likely to occur in certain disorders or among individuals who have certain personality traits. Some diagnoses that might include pathological lying includes but is not limited to:

  1. Personality Disorders:
    1. Antisocial Personality Disorder (better known as sociopathy)
    2. Borderline Personality Disorder
    3. Narcissism or narcissistic personality disorder
  2. Behavioral disorders:
    1. Conduct disorder (often diagnosed in children and teens who have criminal-like behaviors or who demonstrate sociopathic traits such as animal cruelty, fire setting, and oppositional behaviors toward authority)
    2. Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD) and CD (conduct disorder)
    3. Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) often combined with ODD or CD

Certain personality traits where pathological lying may occur include:

  1. Narcissism or self-centered behaviors and thought patterns
  2. Selfishness
  3. Abusive attitude
  4. Obsessive, controlling, and compulsive behaviors
  5. Impulsivity
  6. Aggressiveness
  7. Jealous behavior
  8. Manipulative behaviors
  9. Deceptiveness
  10. Socially awkward, uncomfortable, or isolated
  11. Low self-esteem
  12. Tempermentalness
  13. Anger

It is important to keep in mind that there are pathological liars who quite frankly just cannot help telling so many lies. It is almost like an automatic thing for the liar. Their world is much different from our world. But there are also liars who are gratified by telling lies, are good at it, and do not regret anything they have ever said. These individuals are “skillful” liars who attempt to evade and harm everyone they come across in their lives. In fact, these liars would meet diagnostic criteria for antisocial personality disorder (or sociopathy). They also tell truths in ways that give incorrect perspectives. In other words, they tell the truth in a misleading way to cause people to view things in an incorrect fashion. Such individuals enjoy and get much gratification from keeping you confused and believing their stories. It is the experience of watching a “victim” run through the maze of confusion that gives gratification to most liars.

Based on my clinical experience and general research of the profession, I encourage you to keep 6 things in mind as you deal with the pathological liar:

  1. Know that a pathological liar will study you: The goal of the liar may be hidden, but you can count on the fact that the they don’t want you to know the truth. In order to evade someone, you certainly need to study the person and examine what that person might or might not believe. Liars, often sociopaths, are known to “study” the person they hope to take advantage of. In other words, they look for weaknesses.
  2. Don’t forget that the liar lacks empathy: As hard as it is to believe, it is true. The liar does not have any moral consciousness of how the lying behavior may make you feel. The liar does not think before he lies: “oh, I better not say that or I could hurt that person or mislead them.” The liar does not care anything about your feelings and never will. A question many parents of my former clients have asked their child who lies is: “Why don’t you just tell me the truth? Why is that so hard!?” As difficult as it is to believe, it is not that easy for the liar to divulge the truth. The liar lacks the ability to consider what you might feel in response to their lie (which is empathy).
  3. Normal people feel guilty and are relieved when you change the topic or stop asking questions: This was an interesting point that I learned about as I studied forensic psychology as a graduate student some years ago. While working with juvenile delinquents, I found that the pathological liar shows no emotion when lying which makes them believable. A person who is lying and has normal levels of empathy and concern for others, will often show relief when the topic being discussed is changed. For example, if someone told you that they grew up in a concentration camp and experienced a lot of trauma as a result, you would ask questions about it to further understand. If you changed the topic at the point when you observed stress or anxiety in response to your questions, you would see the person relax because they are aware of the consequences of their lying. Most of us will relax when others cease from asking too many questions about a topic we are lying about. A pathological liar is not fazed. You will rarely if ever see emotion.
  4. All liars do not do the common things you think liars do: Believe it or not, liars do not always touch their nose, shift in their seats or from one foot to the next, or even look sneaky when lying. Some really experienced liars are good at giving you direct eye contact, seeming relaxed or “laid back,” and may appear very sociable. The thing to look for is eye contact that feels piercing. Some sociopaths have learned how to evade people with direct eye contact, sociable smiles, and humor. Trust your instincts and discernment. What do their eyes tell you? What does their behavior or laughter tell you?
  5. The most sneaky liars are manipulative: I once heard someone say “we all manipulate.” While this might be true to a certain degree, the liar tends to manipulate more than anyone else and has learned how to become a “pro” at doing it. There is nothing impressive about the dangerous or evil manipulator. They know everything to say and do, they know what you want and don’t want, and again, they will “study” you. In fact, many pathological liars (and sociopaths) use sexual or emotional arousal to distract you from the truth. Proceed with caution when dealing with someone who seems to be directing their attention to you in such a way as to stimulate your arousal to distract you. That arousal could be psychological (peaking your interest), emotional (causing you to feel connected to them), or sexual.
  6. Pathological liars exhibit strange behaviors: Can you remember how you felt, perhaps as a child or teen, after you were caught lying to a teacher, a parent, or friend? Did you feel guilty, sad, or afraid that the other person would no longer accept you? Some research suggests that pathological liars show no discomfort when caught lying, while other studies suggest that liars may become aggressive and angry when caught. The bottom line is that no pathological liar is the same.
 As you can see, trying to understand the liar is as difficult as trying to understand how the world began. It’s something that requires a lot of study, patience, intuition or discernment, and wisdom. Research continues in trying to understand the mind and behavior of the pathological liar. Psychiatrists and mental health professionals continue to research the liar in order to understand why they do what they do and how we can protect their victims.

I wish you well

About Támara Hill, MS, LPC

Támara Hill, MS, LPC, is a licensed therapist and certified trauma professional, in private practice, who specializes in working with children and adolescents who suffer from mood disorders, trauma, and disruptive behavioral disorders. Hill strives to help clients to realize and actualize their strengths in their home environments and in their relationships within the community. She credits her career passion to a “divine calling” and is internationally recognized for corresponding literary works as well as appearances on radio and other media platforms. She is an author, family consultant, and founder of Anchored in Knowledge.com. Visit her at Anchored-In-Knowledge or Twitter.

 

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